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You been trained, my child ... now give it up, and GoSaturday, April 10, 2010
Mark 16:10-15 Two of them saw Jesus while they were walking. They returned and told the others, but they did not believe them either.
Later he appeared to all eleven of them while they were eating and rebuked them for their unbelief and hardness of heart. Then he said to them, "Go into the whole world and proclaim the Gospel to every creature."
So I'm glad God sees through my tendency to take back my surrender and claim control of my life again. And again. And again. And over the years I get better at passing the tough stuff on to him. Take pain, for example. Physical and emotional discomfort. Slowly I am learning to just be aware of it and then kind of pray for God to handle it instead of fighting to control it myself. Another point of surrender: assurance. Insurance companies grab onto something deep inside me that God wants for himself. A quick google gets me Assurance Insurance, Assurant Insurance, Assurance Health, Plymouth Rock Assurance, and AssuranceAmerica. I know the Bible tells me to plan, but I also know God didn't let his people store the manna and quail he provided for them every day for forty years. It went to putrefaction on the second day. Nothing but rot. Money works against me here; I'm always worried about losing it. What if I leave to be 90; will there be enough? What if it all just disappears in a financial cloud of smoke? Over time protecting my money equates with protecting myself. I get too busy to relax and let God do the protecting. Blessed assurance is not just a pipe dream. And perhaps it's more available to the poor than to the rich. One more piece I'd like to give God and let him keep it: my relationships. I don't have to prove myself and shine and be clever and friendly and giving and empathic and perfect to get people to like me. Maybe this one is hardest of all for me. God gave me this divine spark, and He gave it also to you. So when we are together, I want to share those sparks and then just kind of wait around to see what happens next. Lord, your hands formed my soul. They know me well, and your touch makes me whole. |
What was Jesus going to do? He didn't have anybody else. These closed-minded guys were it. So Jesus made them his messengers. Actually, this passage makes me feel a little better about myself. I think that when I sense God using me I feel more satisfaction than any other time. But still, I'm at the front of the line saying, "Lord I believe ... help my unbelief."